Why is it so important to remember the good and the bad?
As I’m writing this, some unknown indie rock is beating in the background, and above the musical noise I can hear my husband cooking a famous Jamie Oliver meal in the kitchen (I’m lucky I know).
The smell, oh the glorious smell that’s coming from the kitchen.
I realise that I am lucky to be in this moment, this lovely, perfect moment. But I feel nostalgic. Because no photo can capture this moment.
Have you ever wished that you could take a glass jar and run around with it, capturing the moment, and shutting the lid tight, so you can open it in the future and bask in that glorious, darling moment all over again?
Have you sat in a loved ones arms, being held real tight, and when you close your eyes you wish for the moment to never end. And it makes you sad, because it will end. It always does. That’s the thing about moments, it passes, and another one begins.
Atmosphere is such a capturing event. I can’t find an alternative word for it. It’s an event, and when it’s a good atmosphere, your mind will swing back to it repeatedly, to remind you of the happy you have felt in your beautiful life. And when it’s a bad one, things will remind you of it – songs, lighting, a name, a face. But you will remember it, and the memory will be all you have left, a sometimes painful memory.
So in a sense it’s a blessing and a curse, an oxymoron, an analogy, an anomaly. A curse, a blessing, a memory, a moment. But either way, it’s something your mind doesn’t want you to forget.
My first heartbreak, I remember the feeling, the setting, the lighting and words. The literal pain I felt in my chest. The first time I lost a loved one, the tears, the hugs, the funeral, the morning sun reflecting off my mothers tears. My first kiss, the gross, the laugh, the giggle and embarrassment. The first time I saw my husband on our wedding day, the joy, the sunlight shining on his face through the leaves of the tree, the love in his eyes,the smiles on our loved ones faces and the beautiful song we hand picked, playing in the background.
Memories, moments and the atmosphere that goes along with it is there for a reason, to teach us, to remind us, and to keep us vulnerable and humane. To help us remember where we came from and why we are making the decisions we are. To help us understand why we feel a certain way. To help us create beliefs and perceptions. To help us live.
I won’t give up anything I can remember, it shaped me well enough so I can be good enough for that man in that kitchen. It shaped me to love myself, and it will continue to shape me to make me a good mother for my children, a successful woman and supporting friend. It will remind me where I came from and how much I have grown. And THAT is why memories are important, the good and the bad.