Spilling the tea

Wow. Where to begin? With each post I write I promise myself to write more. But things are constantly evolving and changing, leaving me with little time to write. Or so I thought.

It’s so easy to say “I’m so busy, I don’t have the time!”.

For the past 12 months, that’s what I’ve constantly been telling myself. Yet, when I look at my phone activity I spend an average of 3 hours on my phone PER DAY! That’s almost a full day of my week JUST. ON. MY. PHONE.

So I am here to spill the tea on what’s been happening, and how I’ve basically derailed. The only way to get back into writing and doing what I need to do is to be honest about the shit that’s been going down lately.

2018 was a good year for me. Bought a house, changed jobs, travelled a little and made new friends. 2019? Not so much. I’ve stagnated. I’ve become lazy and comfortable. Don’t feel like cooking? Uber Eats. Don’t feel like exercise? Netflix. Don’t feel like sitting in traffic? Work from home. And it escalated.

It escalated to the point where I had gained a ton of weight, all the while paying for a gym membership I hardly use. My stapel meal was Chicken Nuggets, and I can’t recall the last time I have actually picked up the phone when some called me. I had the Whatsapps-and-Voicenotes-only-policy. I’m ashamed.

The isolation was unhealthy. I was not trying to make friends at work, I was not engaging with anyone, I was eating unhealthy, doing very little. And I stagnated. In fact, I lost a lot of who I was.

After some serious self reflection (and seeing myself in the mirror’s reflection) I realised I needed to snap out of it. And it seems to be working, sort of – I had Chicken Nuggets for dinner tonight.

I know I’m only talking about myself – bare with me.

The reason I’m spilling the tea on my own failures is more to create a clean slate for myself than anything else. Knowing that it is out there that I have failed in most reas over the past months gives me the motivation to get back on it and start over.

My mom always tells me that it is okay to fail and it is okay to make mistakes. Once. We’re not supposed to make them twice. So I’va made them. I lost some friends, gained some weight, lost some confidence, gained some anxiety. But i am starting over, and I want to encourage anyone else that might be in a slump, dealing with some stuff to do the same.

Just start. With one thing.

So here’s the things I’ve been doing to get back on it:

  • My start was to stop dressing myself in tees and jeans and put a little more effort into my appearance. Hence the haircut.
  • Finally finish reading the book I started months ago (I’m not done yet – working on it!)
  • Stay up to speed with relevant news – I read the Daily Maverick and Bloomberg mostly.
  • Make an effort with my colleagues, I invite them to lunch and and try do as many RAOK as I can – at least once a week
  • Answer the phone when someone calls me
  • Go to the gym AT LEAST once a week
  • Cook at least 4 times a week (including weekends)
Hence the haircut.

Here are things I want to do moving forward in 2019:

  • Go the gym at least 3 times a week
  • Read more books
  • Go for a stres management course
  • Improve my presentation skills
  • Try to do my nails as often as I can
  • Give one compliment to someone each day
  • Get in touch with old friends
  • Blog more
  • Increase my following

I want to encourage you to make these lists for yourself as well. Find things you can do to improve your standard of living instantly. Once you have penned them down, find things that you can do to build on your first list.

Be actively aware of these lists. Make sure that these points are things that you can actually do. Avoid things like “Be more open” – it’s not something you can actively do, it’s something you need to build on. Rather say something like: “Ask a colleague you haven’t spoken to how they are doing” – this will help you to become more open, but is something that you can actively do.

Adulting is hard AF. So falling into a slump of going through the motions and making excuses for why you aren’t doing what you need to do is normal (I hope!). As long as you realise that it is a slump and that you need to actively work on getting out of it, gaining back the confidence and even the routine you had before.

Like they said in Bridesmaids: “Hitting rock bottom is a good thing, because there’s nowhere to go but up.” Just kidding, but you get the idea.

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