Warning: An abundant use of the phrase ‘fuck-it’ will be used.
Over the past few weeks my life has been a rollercoaster of dreams come true and uncertainty.
But I’ve recently been more aware than ever of how I tend to chain myself to obligation and responsibility. Yes, we have to set certain routines and habits in place to survive in this so called ‘adult world’ we so unexpectedly have to live in. But we take so much joy away from ourselves simply because we think we HAVE to. But we don’t HAVE to do anything. (It’s 11:54 and I’m drinking a Mimosa, because I can!)
So I made a list of things, I call this list the ‘fuck it list’ – sub heading: Eat the cookie, buy the shoes. On this list is things that I want to do, I refuse to take things away from myself. One of the perks of being an adult is having the option to make choices, like my choice to drink a Mimosa before 12:00 because ‘fuck it!’.
My list includes things like eating pizza when I want, taking Snapchat selfies with the dog filter (damn straight!), buying that expensive pair shoes I’ve been eyeballing for weeks, not always sticking to my budget, going to the gym only when I really (rarely) want to, sleeping in on Saturdays, drinking more than I should, eating more than I should, and just generally indulging in life in every aspect I want.
We are so aware of what has become socially acceptable and what not. That we are constantly analysing our actions and reactions to see whether it is acceptable and how much it will contribute to our ideal life in the long run. When I made decisions I would ask myself: “How will this benefit me three weeks from now? A year from now?” And if it didn’t, I wouldn’t do it. And that’s ridiculous. Because yes, I’m 100% aware that this slice of pizza won’t benefit me, but that delicious taste makes me happy NOW, and it’s what I want now, and sometimes you need to give in to those temptations, just to generally enjoy life more.
Side note: I’m sitting on the couch in tights, oversized jersey, no make up and craving pizza like crazy. Tomorrow I might feel like dressing up and eating a salmon salad with tight lips and raised eyebrows, judging those at the pizza stand. Ehl-Oh-Ehl Smiley face, just kidding, but this isn’t some life changing epiphany I’m having. Just my mood, I guess. My fat-ass-pizza-eating-messy-bun-alter ego sharing her thoughts. Somehow there’s no in between for me, can you relate?
About a year ago I was completely obsessed with eating right and exercising, so I was doing CrossFit and following a Paleo diet and a bunch of other ridiculous things. And now it’s a year later and I really don’t know how I feel about that time of my life. Yes I was healthier, but I wasn’t having fun. I always made myself feel guilty when I ate junk food, I would get up extra early to exercise, cancel plans with friends because I had to go the gym, and many other things. I thought that lifestyle would benefit me in the long run, but to be completely honest, I didn’t have a balance and I feel like it affected my life in a negative way instead.
Adulthood hit me by surprise and there was a time when I thought that being in your twenties is when you have it all figured out, but we don’t. All of us are a hot mess (Yay-us!). And we’re trying so hard to keep it together that we’re taking things a way from ourselves. And I refuse to do this to myself any longer. When I’m working on a project for business at 02:00 in the morning, and I’m hungry, there’s no way I’m eating a salad, Ima order myself that double-crust, extra meaty pizza, and have it delivered right to my front door, and I’m not sharing.
Everything in moderation, I know, but being an extreme health fanatic, or sticking to your schedule 110% isn’t moderation. So ladies, eat that cookie and buy those shoes. Make your own fuck-it list, and don’t let anyone raise his or her eyebrows when you eat your cupcake for breakfast, or drink a Mimosa at 11:54. All I’m really trying to say, is that everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. We need to create a balance in our life that allows us to indulge in guilty pleasures, but still allows us to live a successful, forward-moving healthy lifestyle.