The freedom of commitment

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I’m not going to write some intro to this piece, I’m just going to dive right in. When you get married or engaged you free yourself from so many things. Though many people make fun of the ball-and-chain effect of getting married, there’s a load of freedom that comes with the commitment.

Before I got married I was chained to the possibility of heartbreak. I knew that whenever someone new came into my life, and we started a relationship together, there was always the possibility that it could end, always the possibility that he could break my heart, meet someone better or cheat on me. The fear and the uncertainty was always there. And it isn’t anymore. And yes, I guess all those things still exist in a sense, as a possibility. But my husband and I truly committed to each other, with trust that those things aren’t a part of our relationship, and I no longer fear those things.

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I’m also free from loneliness. I can’t count the number of times I’d lay in bed at night, crying, and holding my pillow (as every girl has before). Wishing someone could be there, someone I was yet to meet. I always knew I wanted to share my life with someone, but not being able to know who it was, was terrible. Now, when I’ve had a terrible day, I can go home, knowing that someone is waiting there, ready to cheer me up, someone who understands me, and knows exactly what I need to fix it. Someone that will still be there after seeing me at my worst.

Furthermore I am free from so many fears. I use to be so afraid of the dark, and even when I was in university, I would sleep with my bedside lamp switched on, especially when I was living alone. I hated going to bed because I was so afraid. Now I can sleep peacefully, knowing that a strong and capable, loving husband is laying next to me, to keep me safe from whatever lurks in the darkness.

Since I’ve committed to one man, I am free from self-awareness. I don’t care what other men think of me, as long as my husband thinks I’m beautiful and perfect, I can’t be phased by the opinions of others. When I make big decisions regarding my appearance, he is the only one’s opinion I have to ask and consider. No one else matters anymore. And he has taught me to accept myself. Because when I wake up, and have bad hair, sleepy eyes and a hoarse voice, the first thing he says is: “You’re so beautiful”

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I’m free from commitment. Yes, I’m free. I’ve made this commitment once and I’ll never ever have to do it again. Every time you commit yourself to someone you make the promise to hand everything you are to them, trusting that they’ll keep it safe and look after it. And when they don’t a little piece of you is left behind, broken. And the next person only gets a small piece of you. And so they chip away your whole being as they betray or break you. And now, I’ve finally given my commitment and being to the last one, the only one, and he’ll never break it, he’s building the things I lost back into me, helping me to become 100% myself, with support, love and acceptance.

So yes, commitment has freed me. I have committed myself to someone who enjoys me, the quirky jokes, the frizzy hair, my big front teeth, my awkward giggle, my terrible eating habits, my irritable personality and moods. I have committed myself to someone that committed himself to me, that started a new life with me, with no regard to either our pasts. As if it never happened. And I wish for every girl and every guy to meet someone that feels free when they’ve committed themselves to someone. There’s no greater feeling in the world.


 

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