5 Steps to dealing with the past

This is something that so many people, especially women, struggle with. Someone hurt you, whether it was a friend, spouse, family member or colleague, you’ve been hurt and you have a problem to deal with it, Whenever you feel ready to forgive that person, the thought of what they did, whether it was directly to you or something that only affects you now, you get angry and upset all over again and find it impossible to truly forgive that person.

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Now, I have absolutely no solution for you as to how you’ll forget what happened or what they did to you, but I do have a few tips to help you move forward, and though you will probably always remember what they did or said or what happened to hurt you, you will be able to accept it, and move on. It just won’t be easy.

1.So first of all you need to admit that you have a problem with that specific incident or what they said or did. You need to admit to yourself that you have a problem, and that you are the problem here. yes. You are. This is difficult, because it’s nice playing the victim, it’s easier, you feel like you are on the winning team, but you are not, your nemesis called life is on the winning team because you are the only one that feels miserable. Life isn’t going to wait for you to deal with it. So admit that you have a problem, and accept that you’ll have to move on from this.

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2. Get it out of your system. Express how you feel. You need to say and yell and admit everything you need to about that situation, how angry and upset you are, how hurt you are, or how unfair it feels. You don’t necessarily have to say all these things to the person that hurt you’s face, you can write it in a diary, vent at a friend or your spouse, write a letter to them you’ll never deliver or whatever means you need to get it all out.

3. The next step is recovering. Stop playing the victim, as mentioned earlier it’s easy to accept the role of the victim. The “How could they do this to me?” and “I can’t believe it.” role. You need to realize that you are victimizing someone else for what happened in the past. They can’t change what they said or did, but you can change how you’re reacting on it now.

Now just note this, if your lover cheated on you, or was abusive or any of those kind of things, you’ll definitely not go through this process, you’ll dump his or her sorry ass and move on with your life. But if this is someone you love that said something hurtful during an argument, or lied to you, or did something to hurt you, you need to accept what happened and be ready to move on from it.

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What they did most probably won’t ruin your friendship or relationship, but you continuing to move back to it, bringing it up, getting upset about it, thinking about it, blaming¬†them, will affect the relationship tremendously in a negative way.

So stop being the victim, and stop victimizing someone else for their actions. You are not Miss perfect, and none of us will ever be in the position to continuously criticize and condemn someone on their actions.

4. The next step is to forgive. Really forgive. Place yourself in their position, think of what made them act r say the way they did. If they apologized, think of how you would’ve felt if you apologized over and over and still they won;t forgive you. Think of how you would’ve felt. And never say: “But I would never do or say that.” You need to start making compromises here, and making excuses won’t help you move on. So damn it girl, admit that you are the wrong one here, admit that you need to forgive them, and forgive them. If they apologized more than once, they’re probably sorry. And by the millionth time you brought it up of how hurt you are and disappointed, they’re definitely sorry and they’re probably trying to build a time machine in their basement to go back and fix what they did wrong.

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5. Once you have really forgiven them, it’s time to move on. Replace the thought of what they did to you to wrong you with something they did to make your life better. Think of all the amazing things they have done as a friend or boyfriend, or girlfriend or mother or whoever it might be, and every time you feel upset about the past, think of those things. If you seem to forget what they’ve done for you, make a list. Make a long list of their love and favors and memories, and when you feel upset, go through that list. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Move on my dear.

Moving on from someone who hurt you in the past, but is still a part of your life, can be difficult, and it can take a long time to move on from it, but you need to realize the importance of being able to move on. You need to realize that how you feel now has a much bigger effect on the relationship than whatever they did in the past ever will.

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Good luck with this process. I know it can be difficult. In order to move on you need to understand why you feel what you do, and why you no longer have to feel it. Always have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst and a mind that forgets the bad.

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